Choosing Companions Wisely God’s Wisdom for Living from Proverbs

The title of the message this morning is Choosing Companions Wisely. Choosing Companions Wisely. So grab your Bibles with me and come on back. We’re in the book of Proverbs. Our series is called Proverbs, God’s Wisdom for Living. Aren’t you glad that the Bible gets very practical? You know, sometimes we don’t like pastors, though, who get practical. It’s like, don’t step on my toes, you know. But you can’t really preach through the Bible without getting practical. If you’re going to preach through the book of Proverbs, for sure. If you’re going to preach through the book of James, you’re going to have to get practical and deal with the everyday issues of life, like relationships and marriage and family and parenting and how we handle our money and how we speak. You know, Proverbs deals a lot, addresses often, many verses, just our speech, how we talk. And this morning, again, the title of the message is Choosing Companions Wisely because Proverbs and the Bible has a lot to say about how friends and companions and neighbors can influence our lives, or we can influence them. And so that’s one of the reasons I’m so thankful for the church, amen? I’m so thankful to be a part of a body of believers because you’re influencing me. I’m influencing you. And being in a church or being in a home group or being in a Bible study, being in a youth group gets you around some people who are all chasing after Jesus, saying, I’m a broken person, I need help, I need the Lord, I’m not in a church because I’ve got it all together or somehow I passed the assessment of, well, you keep seven out of the Ten Commandments so you can join the church. No, that’s not how it works. We’re all here because we’re broken people who need the help of a Savior. But being around each other, Proverbs says, iron sharpens iron, right? So as we’re together, we hold one another accountable for spiritual growth, we hold one another accountable like iron sharpening iron, and we help each other grow. Why don’t we stand this morning, if you would stand with me, we’re going to read from two passages of Scripture, and then we’ll be in Proverbs chapter one a bit. But Proverbs chapter 12, verse 26, I want to read that passage. Here’s what Proverbs, here’s what the Bible says in Proverbs 12, 26, and this is the NIV. The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the wicked, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. And then Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 15, verse 33, do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character. Let’s pray. Lord, we are so thankful for the gift of friendship. Lord, we’re designed for relationship, that’s how you made us. We need people in our lives. And so Lord, I pray right at the beginning this morning that if anyone is like me and has a tendency to isolate, Lord, I just pray for each person today that you’d move us past isolating, move us into godly relationships that can help us grow. Lord, I pray that you would apply your word to our hearts, help us not just to be hearers, but help us to be doers of your word, putting it into practice. In Jesus’ name, amen. Amen. You may be seated. Well, I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that we’re living in a time of history where we’re experiencing in our culture a relationship crisis, a relationship crisis. You see, we’re living in a digital world, and so sadly, many of us are connecting on Facebook, we’re connecting on social media, Instagram, and somehow that causes us to think I’m in the know or I’m in the cool group or I’m connected, but we’re not talking to people. So we’re spending a lot of time scrolling, but increasingly, if you notice, whether you go to a fast food restaurant and sit down, you’ll see people sitting across from each other and they’re not looking at each other in the eye, they’re not having a conversation, they’re not talking, they’re scrolling, they’re on their iPhone, they’re on their digital, and certainly we know these tools, I’ve got one right there, we know it’s useful, a phone is useful, an iPad’s useful, but it’s creating what I would call a relationship crisis, especially for our younger people, but for all of us. But many young people are getting iPhones or getting smartphones or tablets from the time they are so young, and so they grow up without the skills of even a handshake and looking at someone in the eye and having a conversation and being able to enjoy that social interaction. We are experiencing a relationship crisis. Another part of our culture is we live in a very mobile world, so it’s not uncommon for someone to be born in one state and travel and live in another state and then get a new job and go to another state, and I know even in my own family, although it’s a joy to see Nathan and Jessica, my daughter and son-in-law here this morning, and so that’s so much fun to get to hang out with them, anytime we get to see them, that’s a joy, but the truth is we all live, in my family, we live in a lot of different states, we live in a lot of different places, and so my own family is really, demonstrates or illustrates that part of the culture, we’re very mobile, and so that mobility sometimes makes it difficult for us to build long-lasting friendships, long-lasting relationships. And then a third part of what’s going on in our culture today that leads to relationship crisis is we are more broken in our family life than ever before. Now I praise God that Jesus can handle my brokenness, so there’s no brokenness that’s too big for God. God can blend a family together, God can restore your relationship with your husband or your wife, God is a great Redeemer, but just for a moment, will you think with me about how broken we are? We are very broken relationally, and that’s leaving people isolated, that’s leaving people lonely, more people are living alone than ever before, if you just look up the statistics. And so I’m sharing that with you because it helps us understand that Proverbs has something very practical to say to us about relationships. You are designed for relationships. You’re not designed to go it alone. You’re not designed to isolate and to kind of live life by yourself. God has created you as a person who longs for and needs relationship, and relationship is also a way for you to live out kingdom purposes, to live out the gospel. When I think about the Trinity, even God is relational. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, they’re distinct, they’re separate persons, and yet they have perfect harmony, perfect relationship. We know the first time in the Bible that God said something wasn’t good, because if you read Genesis 1 and 2, God is creating, and He says, it is good, it is good, it is good. What’s the first time God said that something wasn’t good? Well, it was when Adam was created, and he was alone, and God says, that’s not good. So I want you just to think about that with me this morning. If you’re feeling alone, or if you’re alone in life, and let me just pause to say, if you are here this morning, and you’re feeling alone, you feel the sting of loneliness, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. There are other people sitting right next to you, including your pastor. We’ve felt that. We have felt that sense of, I’m alone. I’m in this by myself, and I understand that sting. I understand the hurt of being alone. God is big enough to help you in those feelings of being alone. God does not want you to be alone. God wants to give you a relationship with Him that can sustain you, that can meet your needs, that can encourage you, and God wants to bring people into your life that can help you have meaningful relationships that are fulfilling for you, and they can influence you, and you can influence them, and you can build each other up. So God is relational. We’re made for friendships, we’re made for relationships, and I am so thankful that even Jesus we see in the New Testament is our example, and He chose His friends wisely. If you think about Jesus, He had an inner circle, Peter, James, and John. He chose 12 to be His disciples and walk with Him and go with Him wherever He went, but then He appointed 70 and sent them out, the Bible tells us, and then there were the crowds that followed Jesus, and there’s even one place in the Gospels where it tells us that Jesus didn’t entrust Himself to the crowds of people. And so when I look at the model of Jesus, it helps me understand, and Proverbs does this. When Proverbs talks about relationships, Proverbs uses three or four different terms. Family, Proverbs talks a lot about moms and dads giving advice to children, so certainly family is a key part of Proverbs, but then Proverbs will talk about being a friend, but Proverbs will also talk about companions. There’s one passage in Proverbs that says a person of many companions can come to ruin, but there’s a friend that sits closer than a brother. And so we see the two, we see companion, but then friend. So in the book of Proverbs, we have family, we have friends, we have companions, and we also have neighbors, how you should treat your neighbors and how you should interact with your neighbor. And so whether we look at Proverbs or we look at the life of Jesus, Jesus is our model that He didn’t go it alone. He had an inner circle, Peter, James, and John, who were with Him all the time. Even when He would go to special times of prayer, often He would invite them to go with Him. But He had different circles of friends, didn’t He? Isn’t it true, young person, that not everybody is your close, really good friend? We all want to have friends, but the reality is, if you just have one, two, or three close friends, you’re doing great. Now I do believe we should have many companions, right? We should have many people we’re hanging out with, and Proverbs warns us, cautions us, gives us advice, make sure you’re choosing your companions wisely. But it’s probably not a fair expectation that everyone, let me just put it this way, that everyone on Facebook is my really good friend. Can we at least agree with that? Okay. Or even everyone on your soccer team, or everyone on your volleyball team, or everyone that you play hockey with. And we do have a young person in our church who plays hockey, right? So it’s not a fair expectation that everybody’s going to be my really close friend. But Proverbs tells us that friendship is really important for our health. And friendship is really important that we choose the right friends so that they will build us up, not tear us down. They’re people we can trust. And so I’m praying, of course, for all of us, Lord, give each and every person at least one really good friend. But more than that, Lord, help us to learn how to be that good friend. Because there’s so many people around us who need those friends. Well, I want to turn now back to Proverbs chapter one. I’m going to start in verse eight and nine, and I’m just going to look at three major truths and then we’re going to look at what is a good friend. But three major truths from Proverbs chapter one that deal with choosing friends wisely. Number one, good company promotes good character. Let’s look at verses eight and nine. Proverbs chapter one, verse eight, listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. Now, what’s a garland? That’s like a crown. A garland is like a crown that you wear, and it might demonstrate royalty. It might just be there for beauty, like you’re going to a special dinner and you want to put a garland or a crown or something that looks really beautiful. And it can also be signifying that you’re of a special family, like you’re royalty. Let’s look at it again. Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a crown to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. So when we listen to our parents’ teaching, is basically what this proverb is saying, and we follow their advice, it becomes like a beautiful crown on our head and a beautiful chain that we can adorn ourselves with. And so in these verses, what primarily we see in many other places in Proverbs is that good company promotes good character. I already read one verse where Paul said, bad company does what? Corrupts good character. But what Proverbs is really telling us is get around good company. Choose your friends wisely. Choose your companions wisely. And what we see in verses eight and nine is that family is good company. Family is good company. And again, in Proverbs, we have those terms. We have family. We have friends. We have companions. And we have neighbors. Family is good company. I want to just share six lessons about family. Number one, family is good company. Number two, family is a school of instruction. Deuteronomy chapter six reminds us that when we get up in the morning, when we go throughout the day, wherever we are, we are teaching our kids what it means to walk with God. So family is a school of instruction. And I love that word instruction in the book of Proverbs, because what it really means is to teach more like a mentor, to teach more like a coach. It’s not instruction, it’s not just teaching, it’s not just talking. But it’s like telling someone, and I love to fish, you know that, so it would be me telling you how to fish, but not leaving. It would then be me showing you actually how to use the fishing pole, actually how to bait the hook, and actually how to catch the fish. So what is instruction? Instruction when it’s in the book of Proverbs, it means yes, teaching like speaking words of truth, giving advice, but then actually showing a person how to shoot the bow and arrow so that they’re effective in hitting the target. That’s instruction. Family is a school of instruction. So what are we doing in our families with our children is we are spending time together as parents, and we are instructing them, we are not just telling them, we’re showing them how to live a wise life, how to walk with Jesus. And I want to real quick, I know I’m listing six lessons about family, but I want to go back real quick to verse 8 of Proverbs 1, listen my son, so this is the advice coming from a father, but you notice here mothers aren’t excluded. I love that. This is an ancient book, Proverbs is an ancient book, and yet from chapter 1 all the way to chapter 31, women and mothers are given a very high place. Very high place, and we’ll, praise the Lord, and we will remember, or we’ll get back to Proverbs 31, I can’t wait to preach on Proverbs 31 when we preach about marriage and family and how God has a high regard for you as a woman. And we see that here even in the home, that as Solomon is writing words of advice, and it starts in verse 8, listen my son to your father’s instruction, and again, instruction is this idea of I’m telling you, but I’m also committed enough to your life that I’m going to show you, it’d be like you come in and say, Tom, I want to tell you how to play the guitar. What if Easton did that for me? That wouldn’t work, Easton, because I don’t know how to play the guitar, I don’t even know how to hold the guitar, so he would have to tell me, but then he’d have to spend maybe some 30 minute sessions, three days a week for six months, and he would have to show me how to hold the guitar, he would have to show me how the notes work on the guitar, so that’s instruction, right? So when we read this in verse 8, listen my son to your father’s instruction, it’s not just okay, yeah, dad, no, this father is engaged, this father is interested in their son or their daughter learning, actually being successful in what the father is trying to teach them to do, whether it’s to fish, play a guitar, or learn to walk with God. And then it goes on, and this is what I love in verse 8, and so the mom’s a part of this, mom’s also teaching and instructing and guiding and mentoring, it says, and do not forsake your mother’s teaching, and the Hebrew word, look it up, is Torah. So literally, it’s also, and do not forsake your mother’s law. I loved that when I discovered that, because I don’t know about you dads and husbands, but my wife has a way that she does things. And if 10 other women came into her house, we’d be polite and everything, but we’re doing it the way she does it. Is that okay, right? We’re going to do it in our house, we do it the way she does it. And I’m not talking about marriage this time, but you know, that’s actually helped us over the years, is that having a high regard for each other and saying, well, Tom, you know, the garage is kind of your area, and this other area, and in our home, the kitchen is largely over the last 35 years been Jenny’s area. Now I do, I’m growing in that, I’m trying, I can make breakfast and I can barbecue, and yeah, all the women are going, okay, come on, yeah. But large over the years, raising five kids, that’s been her area. And I just loved it when I was looking at that, that something so, a Hebrew word that would be so strong like that. Don’t forsake your father’s instruction, which is he’s going to tell you and show you how to do some things. But then it talks about the mom and says, it’s her Torah, it’s her way. It’s her law or way that she is conducting you. Go ahead and follow that. Don’t forsake that. It will lead you to wisdom, it will lead you to good things. So listen to my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. And then it goes on in verse nine, it’s going to beautify your life. It’s going to adorn you with a beautiful necklace. It’s going to put a beautiful crown on your head. And so the family is a school of instruction. The foundation of family instruction that we see in Proverbs is the fear of the Lord. So mom and dad, when you’re fearing the Lord, especially when everything’s not going great in your life, but you’re fearing God, you’re holding God in a high regard, you’re honoring Him. That is a foundation for the instruction that you’re trying to give to your kids or to your grandkids. And then we see throughout the book of Proverbs with this family metaphor. Throughout the book of Proverbs, there is the instruction that children should hear, do not forsake. They should have a listening heart, a submissive spirit, and an obedient little footsteps. And we heard a lot about that at our marriage conference this weekend, how that you can’t just hear it, you’ve got to put it into practice. You can’t just come away with a bunch of pages of notes and then forget about everything you learned, but you actually have to begin to put God’s Word into practice. So the first thing we see, back to the slide, good company promotes good character. But then let’s read through verses 10-5, Proverbs 1, the wise avoid bad company. The wise avoid bad company. My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them. If they say, come along with us, let’s lie in wait for innocent blood, let’s ambush some harmless soul, let’s swallow them alive like the grave and whole like those who go down to the pit, we will get all sorts of valuable things and fill our houses with plunder, cast lots with us. We will all share the loot. My son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths. And so what we see in these verses is that there is an enticement. I learned at the marriage conference, or was reminded of, that the enemy works against us in basically three ways. He accuses us, he tries to deceive us, or he brings temptation or trial into our lives. That’s how Satan is trying to work against you in your walk with the Lord. He accuses you, the Bible says that Satan is the accuser of the brethren, he accuses your walk with God. He says, oh, you’re not measuring up, you’re not good enough to be a Christian, you’ve done too many things, you can’t give your life to the Lord. He accuses people. But he also deceives people. And that’s what we see here in these verses in chapter one, is that there are people in life that want you to go along with them. It’s like misery loves company. They don’t want to just go and get their life all messed up and to get into all kinds of crazy things on their own. They want you to join them so we can be miserable together, so we can end up in jail together. It is sad to see in the book of Proverbs, and in this chapter especially, that there is real evil. There are people who are not just struggling, there are people who are completely given over to bloodshed and violence and evil. And it’s sad to read, but it’s a reality in our world today. And the Bible says to us, avoid those people. Don’t form partnerships with those kind of people, don’t hang around and call them your buddies and your companions and your friends if they are into shedding innocent blood and harming souls that are not expecting anything to happen. The Bible is clear, avoid such people. Wisdom avoids bad company. Wisdom avoids bad people, evil people. As a young person, there’s probably nothing better that I could say than to just say, do everything you can to stay close to Jesus and away from people that are up to no good. They’re not interested in walking with God. Now is there a place for witnessing to people who don’t want to? Of course. But we have to make sure that the core of our relationships are filled up with people who are wanting to walk with God. Let me just use an illustration, I love Legos, and our Royal Rangers, since we put that on the video, it reminded me of Royal Rangers, they’re making some Lego cars right now. And when you think about Legos, Legos, they have these different connect points. Well, once you’ve connected them somewhere, they can’t connect anywhere else. And that’s what I’m saying to you this morning. You need to make sure that your core connections, you are connecting with godly people. You’re connecting with people who love God. You’re connecting with young people who are at least, they may not have it all figured out, but at least they’re moving in the same direction you’re moving in. Because you want to walk with God and you want to align your life with his word and his ways. Because if you’ve got too many of your Lego connections connecting with people that are going to lead you in another direction, away from the Lord, you need some rearranging in your Legos. Amen? So let’s say I’ve got eight connectors. I’m going to have four to six of those connected with people who are either going to make me better or people I’m trying to help be better. And I might leave two connectors where I just try to go out and connect with someone who’s not interested in God at all, or they don’t have any idea what they believe about God. Yes, then I’ll go witness for them, or I’ll go share Jesus with them. But I’m not going to let them in my inner circle. Remember, Jesus had an inner circle. He had 12, then he had the 70, then he had the crowds. So I’m not going to just let anybody, a young person, hear me. I’m not going to let just anybody into my inner circle. I’m not going to just trust everybody on the ball team. I’m not going to give them my emotions so they can step on them and then I come home going I am so disappointed and discouraged because I thought Sally really liked me. And the Jesus model of friendship would tell us, no, you have an inner circle, then you have 12, then you have 70, then you have everybody else. So the Proverbs model would tell us there’s family, you got to do everything you can. Mom and dad, we’ve got to do everything we can to build up family as a trustworthy source of relationship. We’ve got to do, this is what Proverbs teaches us, we’ve got to do everything we can so that family is a place of safety and security. You can trust mom and dad, you can trust uncle so and so, aunt so and so, because these are trustworthy people. Now the reality is we live in a broken world and that’s not always true. And sometimes the church is the place where you find those trustworthy relationships. But if at all possible, as it depends on you, build up your family relationships so that you are trustworthy and so that your kids and grandkids can trust you so that home and family is a place of safety and security where they can be built up. And then Proverbs says, then you have some friends that are really close, but everyone else is a companion or a neighbor. Am I getting through to you? In other words, not everybody’s your close friend. Jesus is the one who sticks closer than a brother. I love that the Bible says Abraham was the friend of God. Moses was a friend of God. I love it that the Bible says in John 15, I think 13 or maybe verse 15. It’s definitely John 15 that Jesus said, I no longer call you servants, but I call you a friend. Jesus wants you to join up with him and have a friendship, which is a close relationship. He wants to partner with you in life. He wants to partner with you in ministry. And so Jesus is the one who sticks closer than a brother. And brothers stick pretty close most of the time. In other words, that’s the point of that proverb is that generally speaking, and that’s remember I told you, proverbs are generally true. They’re not promises and they’re not prophetic material, but proverbs are generally true. And so when the proverb says a man of many companions can come to ruin, but there is one who sticks closer than a brother, I believe that’s pointing to Jesus. That’s pointing to God. But what it’s saying is brothers and sisters, usually you can count on them. Not always, but usually when there’s adversity or there’s problems, you can count on your brother. You can count on your sister. But what proverbs is really saying is we’ve got to have a friend who sticks even closer than a brother. Who is that friend? Well, that’s Jesus, number one. And then secondly, after our family, we’ve got to use wisdom in choosing friends that we live life with. Because not every companion and certainly not every person in the crowd of people you know, like your Facebook followers, your Facebook friends, not every one of those are true friends. And so we have to choose wisely. The third, and I’ll read verses 16 through 19, the third truth here as it relates to choosing friends wisely is the wise avoid the deception of evil. Look with me at verse 16 through 19. Here’s what happens to those who go, who follow people who are up to no good, who are plotting in their hearts to do evil. Verse 16, for their feet rush into evil, they are swift to shed blood. How useless to spread a net where every bird can see it. These men lie and wait for their own blood. They ambush only themselves. Such are the paths of all who go after ill gotten gain. It takes away the life of those who get it. This is a really important biblical principle. If you’ve ever read Galatians 6, 7, and 8, that’s one place in the Bible we learned about the law of the harvest, sowing and reaping. Now in Galatians 6, 7, and 8, it’s primarily talking about finances. That’s the context. But the principle of sowing and reaping in the Bible impacts every area of your life. The Bible says, do not be deceived, God will not be mocked. Whatsoever a man sows, he will also reap. And so that applies to our finances and how we deal with our finances. That also applies to our decisions we make in our spiritual walk and whether we, Paul talks about sowing to the flesh or sowing to the spirit. If you’re always sowing to your fleshly appetites, what do you think you’re going to reap when harvest time comes? Flesh. Fleshly stuff. So another way to say that, if you’re always focused on earthly things but you’re never focused on heavenly things, what do you think you’re going to reap when harvest comes? It’s always going to be an earthly harvest. And so Jesus, everywhere in the Gospels, is telling us that we should store up treasure in heaven, that we should focus on heavenly things, that we should have a spiritual perspective in our life so that we can, as we’re sowing, we can then expect a harvest, we can reap spiritual blessings in our life. The wise avoid bad company, and in so doing, they avoid the deception. I mean, look at these verses. Those who are plotting to do evil to other people think they’re only going to be harming other people and they’re going to be running off with the loot, they’re going to be running off with the money. But what God says in Proverbs is that people who are plotting evil and doing evil, actually they’re destroying themselves. They’re destroying themselves. And it’s because of the law of the harvest. Whatever you sow toward, that’s what you’re going to reap. And so I want to encourage us all this morning, let’s choose our friends and our companions carefully. And as a part of that, I want to commend you for being here this morning. I want to commend those who went to the marriage conference. I want to commend each and every person here today that you are on purpose, with intentionality, you are pursuing God and you are pursuing God’s people and you are pursuing God’s purposes in life. Because today we’re living in a culture that is lost. We’re living in a culture that is deceived. We’re living in a culture where evil is on the rise. And we need to get as close as we can to the Lord and we need to surround ourselves with people who arm and arm are also running towards the Lord. Let me share one illustration from time to time. I love to read historical biographies. One time I read the personal diary of Julius Caesar, a lot of interesting war stories in his diaries. But one of the greatest points is the idea of the Roman shields and how they will lock when they come under attack. And they were big shields. They were like shields you could completely hide behind. And so you might have 20 soldiers in the front row and then they would form a square. And there’s actually you can look it up. It’s called the tortoise. It’s a very famous Roman strategy that they would get into battle and they would form a tortoise, which meant they would form a square with these and hide behind their shields and they would, behind the shields, they’re locking arm to arm. And then they would even have shields that would come over the top. That’s where the tortoise comes from, a turtle. And that’s how they would be able to not only defend themselves, but defeat the enemy. And friend, that is true in our spiritual lives today. If you are trying to live a Christian life and you are isolating yourself, you’re staying out of church, you’re not in Bible studies, you’re not spending time with other people, friends, it’s going to be very easy for the enemy to knock you off, to knock you out, to get you out of the race that you’re running as you’re following Jesus. We’re not designed to live the Christian life on our own. We are like soldiers in the army of God and we have to lock arms behind the shield of faith. And when we come together, it’s like an impenetrable shield and together we can defeat the enemy. This morning in Bible study, we were talking about prayer and I love praying alone and Jesus taught us to pray alone. Jesus taught us to go home into our closets, close the door and pray. And when we pray in secret, our Father who is in heaven will reward us in secret. Jesus there was teaching about, you know, we don’t come to pray in front of other people to show off. But there’s so many other passages of scripture that remind us that when we come to a prayer meeting or we come to a worship service and we come where two or three are gathered together in the name of Jesus, Jesus says, I’m there with you. Friends, there is power when we come together and pray, when we come together and worship, when we come together and serve the community, there is something happens because the presence of God is in the midst of that. There is power when you come together. So don’t try to go it alone. Get a Christian friend who will walk with you through your journey of faith. Get some companions who are wanting to walk with the Lord just like you want to walk with the Lord. Well, I want to spend a few minutes now just and I want to share with you what I did. I went through the whole book of Proverbs looking for every scripture I could find on friendship, on companionship, on anything related to this topic, friendship. And so I want to ask us the question, what are the characteristics of a true friend? Well, number one, a true friend provides loyal companionship, loyal companionship. And when I use that word loyal, I think of the Hebrew word chesed. You know, that’s one of my favorite Hebrew words, chesed. It’s either chesed or chesed. And it’s in the book of Ruth. It’s in the book of Psalms. Wherever in your Bible you see loving kindness or steadfast love, it is probably the Hebrew word chesed. It’s a very special word that translators sometimes have a hard time translating because it can mean a lot of different things. But if you think about the story of Ruth and Naomi and Boaz, it’s four chapters. But what a wonderful story that is demonstrating the steadfast love of God. Ruth showed chesed to Naomi and Boaz showed chesed to Naomi and Ruth. And all of it demonstrates that God has a special love for those he is in covenant relationship with. And so this morning, are you in a covenant relationship with Jesus? I hope you are, because if you are, you’re not only a child of God, but he has a special love for you because chesed in the Bible teaches us that God has a special love. He is drawn to those he’s in covenant with. And so if you’re not in covenant with the Lord Jesus Christ, I pray today would be the day that in your own heart and in your mind, Paul said, all we have to do is believe in our heart and confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord, that he died for you. And he’s king of kings. He’s Lord of lords. His resurrection is real. And I pray that today would be the day that you would get into covenant with Jesus because chesed teaches us that God has a special concern. He has a special attentive ear. He has a special love for you when you come into that covenant relationship with him. You see, that’s what a true friend is like. And I remember I’m sitting here thinking, you know, how many true, even as I preach, my mind’s working. So I’m like, how many true friends do I have? You might just, you’re probably doing that too. You know? Yeah. How many pastors talking about friendship and true? How many friends do I have? I’ve got a lot of companions. I praise God for that. I’ve ministry over the years. I have a lot of companions. I don’t really, I don’t want to count right now. I don’t want to try to figure that out. How many true friends I got, but I know one I have because I remember 35 years ago when we stood at the altar in front of the Lord and she said, Oh yeah, I guess I will. No, that’s not what she said. And we said, I do. You know what that meant? It meant I’m committed to you. I’m committed to you. That’s what a true friend is. A true friend is I’m committed to you. I know you, I still like you. I know a lot about you, but I still like you. That’s a true friend. And I pray that each of us would have one or two true, loyal friends in our lives. And more than that, I pray that you would ask the Lord today, Lord, help me to be a friend to someone who needs that friend. I remember a quick story if I can. I remember when I was about in sixth grade and my mom was encouraging me, isn’t this amazing? Way back then, my mom was encouraging me to share my faith at school. And so there was a young man who I befriended and brought home and to the house to play or goof off. And the only thing I remember from that, that’s been a long time ago in Arizona. I remember two things. I took out a knife one day and let him look at it and he thought that was really cool. And then before long, I asked him if he wanted, I cut right to the chase, do you want to have a relationship with Jesus? Because that’s what I was learning in church that I was supposed to do. And I remember in that moment, I don’t remember his name, but he said, yeah, I’m okay. I’m open to that because I don’t really have any friends at all. Even in sixth grade, he had this consciousness that he didn’t really have any friends. And so he was at least open to talking about a friendship with Jesus. The truth is, even in a room this size, with this amount of people, if we had all of our hearts laid bare, there’d be many of us who might be like that sixth grade boy and say, yeah, I’m not sure I have any friends at all. And so one of the greatest takeaways that we could receive from this message this morning is I’m going to go out and I’m going to look for someone to be a friend to. Maybe they have nothing to offer me at all. Maybe there’s nothing, no blessing, no goodness that they can bring into my life, except that I get to be their friend. I get to be a blessing to them. I hope you’ll let God do that in your life. Secondly, a true friend shows love no matter what. Proverbs 17, 17, a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity. Now, if it was a men’s conference, I could go deeply into a brother’s born for a time of adversity. But yes, that’s exactly what it means. I looked at the I looked at the Hebrew because I’ve heard other people teach it different ways. But it means, yeah, when there’s trouble brewing, brothers show up. That’s what it means. And I could share stories about that. But this is not a men’s conference, so I’ll save it for the men’s conference. But a friend is there. A friend loves at all times, not just the good times. And we learn that in life, don’t we? That when things get hard, those who were just our acquaintances, those who were just our companions, they don’t necessarily show up. But a friend, a true friend is more like a brother or a sister. They show up and they love me no matter what. Third, what is a what is a characteristic of a true friend is a true friend gives courageous counsel or correction. Now, this is really important. And we see this repeatedly in the book of Proverbs. Let’s look at Proverbs 27, verse nine, oil and perfume make the heart glad. And the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest and the Hebrew there is heartfelt from his heartfelt counsel. So everybody loves oil and perfume, right? Everybody loves to to kind of feel clean and smell good. And it’s I guess sometimes it’s even nice for other people to say nice things about you. So to use flowery words, oh, pastor, you’re so this or that. But if they if they put it on a little too thick, then, you know, yeah, they’re just saying this. They don’t they don’t really they don’t really believe that they’re just saying this. But here’s what Proverbs is trying to say. A true friend is someone who’s able to give earnest counsel. And we see this said in multiple ways throughout the book of Proverbs, that the true friend is someone that you can trust because they you they know and you know, when we sit down to talk, you’re going to get the truth. They’re willing to be courageous and tell you what you don’t want to hear. From time to time over the years, I’ve even led staff meetings where I’ll take a few minutes and say, OK, tell me something I don’t want to hear or tell me something that I need to hear. That’s either going on with the way I’m leading or going on something that’s going on in the organization and I need to hear it, but you don’t really want to tell me I’m telling you it’s safe. Go ahead and tell me why, because most of the time. We don’t really want to speak the truth in love. That’s what Ephesians teaches us to do, to speak the truth in love. And so oil and perfume make the heart glad. And the sweetness of a friend comes from what? Because they’re always telling you whatever you want to hear. No, it comes from their heartfelt counsel. They’re willing to tell you the truth. Are you like me that you would just admit this morning that every once in a while you need to hear the truth about you? I hope that ministers to you this morning. We’ve all got some rough edges. We all come across and, you know, we’re just coming off of two days of marriage retreat. So I mean, there was a lot said about this in relationships. If you want to have healthy relationships and healthy friendships, you need to have a few people around you that you give permission and you trust them enough to say, hey, you can tell me the truth. You can tell me the truth. Fourth, a true friend guides, influences, sharpens and builds up. Proverbs 12. One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. And then there’s so many other Proverbs and other scriptures that tell us that friendship is for building one another up, not tearing each other down. God has given us relationships, one with another, whether it’s in family or just friends that we go through life with, because friendship is designed, relationship is designed to guide us to the things of God, to sharpen us and to build us up as we walk with the Lord. A fifth characteristic of a true friend is a true friend avoids gossip. And again, this is just one verse, but it’s all through the book of Proverbs. Proverbs 16, 28, a dishonest man spreads strife. What’s strife? It’s conflict. It’s contention. A dishonest man spreads conflict and a whisperer, that’s a gossiper, a whisperer separates close friends. I haven’t always got this right. There’s been a few times in my life because I’m a talker that I’ve had to face the fact that I was just talking and sharing and thought I was just sharing. I had no malintent in my heart, but because I shared it with the wrong person who also had a relationship with that person, it caused a problem for them. You see, that’s what this proverb is saying, that we’ve got to be really picky on what we say to who. Because if we say the wrong thing, that’s maybe derogatory or critical or tearing someone down. Now, if we just would have prayed about it and talked to the Lord about it, that would have cleared our hearts up and God can certainly handle it. But if we go and whisper it to the wrong person, then it can separate close friends. Gossip is always harmful. What is gossip? Gossip is a half-truth, completely something untrue, or gossip can also be something that you think is completely true, but you’re sharing it with the wrong motivation and with the wrong person. Matthew 18, Jesus taught us, if you have ought against a brother, if you have an offense, if you’ve been somewhat of sinned against you, what are we to do as believers? We’re to go directly to that person, not to three other people. We’re to go directly to that person. Why? Because of what Proverbs is teaching us, is that when we whisper half-truths, accusations, things we’ve heard, here’s the worst that I’ve seen in life, is when someone hears something that they think happened, they weren’t even in the meeting, and they start spreading that around and they weren’t even there. Friend don’t do that. Don’t get offended because you think another person should be offended when they came out of that relationship or that meeting. You weren’t there, it’s not your offense, don’t get offended for someone else who should be offended who’s not offended. I mean friend, it happens. It happens more often than not. If you weren’t there, you don’t know what was said, you don’t know who did what, you’re only hearing part of the story. A dishonest man spreads conflict and a whisperer separates close friends. Number six, a true friend forgives and does not hold grudges. This is so important in our Christian walk with the Lord, to be people who are quick to forgive. Proverbs 17 verse 9, whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. We need to be the best forgivers. We should be quick to forgive. Now I want to add to this, Proverbs is not teaching us to ignore boundaries. When we forgive, we’re forgiving something that happened in the past. If a person is continuing to abuse the relationship, they’re continuing to mistreat you, you have to confront that, or you have to get help to confront that. Forgiveness is about letting go of the past, not letting people walk all over you, right? And then seventh, a seventh characteristic of a true friend is a true friend helps in time of need. Praise God. Proverbs 27 verse 10, do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away. So normally you would go to your brother’s house is what Proverbs is teaching us, but it’s better to have a friend who’s close and you can trust them as if they’re your brother, as if they’re your sister. And so what Proverbs is teaching us is that a true friend helps in time of need. So the message this morning is simple. Choose your friends wisely and reap the rewards of wisdom. But more importantly, we all need friends. And I want to invite all of us this morning to make sure that Jesus is your number one friend in life. He loves you. That’s what the new covenant is all about. He loved me when I wasn’t lovable. There’s still days I’ve been walking with the Lord for decades. There’s still days I’m not very lovable. But God never stops loving me. Jesus never stops loving me because he’s my friend. He’s more than my friend. He’s my Savior. He’s the one who set me free from from my sin, the bondage of sin, the guilt and shame of sin. He’s put me back into a relationship with the Father. And I can live with hope. I can live with joy. I can live with expectancy and abundance in my life, all because Jesus is my friend and he’s more than my friend. Have you asked Jesus to be your friend? That’s the most important thing you could do today is to ask Jesus to come and to be the closest companion you’ve got. So worship team, would you come and I want to give us an opportunity to do that. Maybe this morning you need to make Jesus your friend. Maybe this morning you are hearing from the voice of the Spirit that you need to start focusing on being a friend. Maybe in your life right now, you’ve been so focused on needing friends and we all need them. But maybe you’ve been so focused on that, that you haven’t heard the voice of God say, I want you to go and be a friend to someone else. I can tell you in my own life, some of the greatest friendships and relationships I have in life didn’t start out because they just showed up as my friend, started out because I had a heart to go to them and befriend them or show kindness. And then over time, it turned out, wow, they’re benefiting my life too. Will you stand with me this morning? We’re going to pray. But before we sing any worship songs and just in the presence of the Lord this morning, is Jesus your friend? Have you made Jesus your closest friend? Who’s the one who’s closer than a brother? Have you put your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ? Have you acknowledged his death and his resurrection? Maybe you’ve been away from him for a while and today you want to say, Jesus, I want you and I need you to be my closest friend. As we’re all praying and if you would just pray for each person in the room. You see, this is what makes all the difference. When somebody crosses over from death into life, when somebody crosses over from the darkness and says, I want to walk in the light. If you’re here this morning and you want Jesus to be your friend, would you just lift your hand up? My hand’s up. But maybe for the first time, maybe for the first time you’re saying, Jesus, be my friend. Be my friend. Anybody here? Praise God. Praise God. Jesus come into my life. Jesus set me free from my sins. And all of us this morning, are you willing to be a friend to someone who needs a friend? Friendship’s important. We’re living in a relationship crisis. Are you willing to be somebody’s friend? Lord God, we just come to you this morning. We thank you for each person that’s here today, Lord. They are a soul that you created, that you love. Your word says that you breathe the breath of life in Adam and he became a living soul, Lord. Even the breath that we have in our lungs is from you. And so, Lord, I pray for each person here today. They’re coming back home. They’re coming back into relationship with you, wanting friendship with you, Lord. I pray over them and for them, Lord God, I pray that your Holy Spirit would be with them and work in their hearts and work in their minds, Lord, draw them closely to you, I pray. In Jesus name and Lord, help us all to be friends to those who are friendless. Help us to be friends to those who need help, who need to be guided to the Lord. We give you thanks and praise in Jesus name, amen. We’re going to worship together and these altars are open. So as we begin to sing, if you would like to step out and just kind of seal the deal, you know, just kind of you, the Lord’s been talking to you and you’ve been talking to the Lord, but you just want to step out and spend a little time praying. I encourage you to do that as we worship the Lord. I am so thankful to have a friend in Jesus, amen. I know I can count on him. Amen. Let’s give him praise. I can count on you, Lord. I can trust you, oh God, you’re always there, amen. And I want to encourage you that there are friendships in this church that you can build. There are friendships in this church, in a small group, in a prayer group, in a Bible study that can transform your life, that can build you up. And there are people that we need to love and reach in this community that need those relationships. And so I hope you’re on that, on that journey. The Lord bless you and keep you and may his face smile upon you and give you peace. I pray that you have a great, great week. God bless you. Hi, I’m Pastor Tom Ragsdell. I’m Pastor Ellis Benus and we’re from Columbia First Assembly. We are a church that’s on mission with Jesus. Our vision is simple. We want to make Jesus famous in your heart and in our community. Absolutely. Thank you so much for connecting with us online. We would also love to connect with you in person. We are located at 1100 North 7th Street, right in the heart of Columbia, Missouri, right across the street from Hickman High School. So if you’re in the central Missouri area and you’re looking for a home church, come hang out with us. If you’re just connecting online and you’re nowhere near us, then please connect with us in the comments. If you have a prayer request, if you have a question, if you’re wondering anything about the Lord or Christianity, please let us know and we would be happy to engage with you in the comments. We believe God is doing something special at our church and we want you to be a part of it. We’re a multi-generational church. We have people from all different backgrounds. We’re a church of the word. We’re a church of the spirit. We believe Jesus can transform your life. That’s why we’re on mission with him and we want to help you know God. We want to help you grow in God and we want to share hope in our community. So connect with us and we want to connect with you. Awesome. Have a wonderful and a blessed day.