Marriage and the Power of Love: Lessons from Proverbs

Praise the Lord.We are back in Proverbs this morning, but we’re still preaching on marriage.So I hope you have come with ears to hear, uh, as it relates to relationships and marriage.So whether you’re married or you used to be married or you’d like to get married, there is something for all of you here today that we can learn about, uh, marriage and how to live our lives for the Lord.The title of the message is Marriage and the Power of Love.Marriage and the Power of Love.Let’s stand.Will you stand with me?And we’re gonna read from Proverbs chapter 10, verse 12, and then I’m gonna turn in my Bible to 1 Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4 through 8.So I’m first gonna read Proverbs 10, verse 12.”Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”And then 1 Corinthians chapter 13, this is what we know as the love chapter, and chapter 4, verse 8 defines, it tells us what love looks like.1 Corinthians 13, verse 4: “Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast.It is not proud.It does not dishonor others.It is not self-seeking.It is not easily angered.It keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.”Let’s pray.Lord Jesus, thank you that you are a God of love.Lord, thank you that you lived love, you taught us to love one another and even our enemies, and you went all the way to the cross.You laid down your life as an example of love to us.Lord, I pray that you would open up our spiritual ears today to hear about the power of love in marriage and in relationships.Lord, I’m asking that you’d help us to live out a life of love.We need your help.You’re our example.Holy Spirit, you’re the one that empowers the love of God in our lives and let, let it, let, lets it flow through us.So Holy Spirit, come and fill us up with the love of God.In Jesus’ name, amen.Amen.Praise the Lord.You may be seated.I wanna just begin with that verse, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and just encourage you regarding the power of love.Love is a personal power flowing from God into the life of the believer.And as I read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and I have to admit this week I did, I printed it out on a big sheet of paper, and I put it in my truck when I went for a drive.And I, I printed out that passage and also the fruit of the Spirit, and I’m asking God to help me be that person.Isn’t it amazing how we can read these concepts in scripture and go, “Oh, that’s a great definition of love,” and then we go out and live our lives and we dishonor people around us, we speak bad about people, we, we’re impatient, we’re all of these things that we don’t want to do and don’t want to be.And this morning I’m praying that God is gonna help us have spiritual ears to begin to apply with wisdom what love really looks like.Lord, help me.And here’s what I like to do.I learned this when I was a kid, and I’ve done it with the Book of Psalms, and I love doing it with scripture like this.When I read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, I like to say, “Tom”I like to pray, “Tom is patient-and kind.”Now, why are you laughing?I get it.I know why you’re laughing.Because Tom isn’t always patient, and Tom isn’t always kind.But you know what can happen?If you would begin to memorize that Bible verse, begin to s- to put that in your heart and your mind, and then just as you meditate on it, as you think on it, as you pray over it, just begin to declare, “You know what?Tom is patient and kind.”I can do this with the help of Jesus.Yes.That’s right.The Spirit of God is at work in my life.And so I like to, to pray over this scripture, “I am patient and I am kind.I, I don’tBecause of God’s love in me, I don’t envy and I don’t boast.I’m not gonna be arrogant or rude.I’m not gonna insist on my own way.Tom is not irritable or resentful.He does not rejoice at wrongdoing.He rejoices with the truth.Because of the love of God, Tom can bear all things.”Whoa.Whoa.I, I have long suffering in my life.I can bear all things because the love of God is at work.I can believe all things.Tom hopes all things, endures all things, and love never fails.Love is without end in my life as I’m making room for the Holy Spirit and the love of God to fill up my heart and my mind.I wanna encourage you that the Bible everywhere tells us about the power of love.Let me just refer, I’m not gonna mention the scriptures, but all of what I’m about to read is backed up by scripture.God is love.God loves the whole world.God has a special love for those in covenant relationship with him.The Holy Spirit pours love into our hearts.Nothing can separate a Christian from the love of God.Yes.Amen.Jesus taught us to e- love even our enemies.Love is eternal.Love is the greatest of faith, hope, and love.Love casts out fear.Love is more important than the spiritual gifts.Come on, church.Yeah.Whoo.Love’s more important than, you can be the greatest orator in the world, but if you don’t have love.ThereYou can have every gift in the gift list of manifestation gifts in 1 Corinthians 12, but if you don’t know how to love people, if you don’t know how to love your kids and your wife, Paul says you’re like a, you’re like a s- a gong or like a really loud cymbal.Love produces harmony and unity.Love covers over a multitude of sins.Love leads to forgiveness.Love empowers patience.Jesus’ love motivates us to love God and love others.Jesus’ greatest command is and was to love God and to love others.Love in action fulfills the law, according to the Apostle Paul.Proverbs actually has a number of verses, I’ve just included a, a couple here, but Proverbs has many verses about love.Proverbs 15:17, I liked this one, “Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred.”You can see the comparison.That’s, that’s what the, the writer is doing, is comparing these 2 things.You would think you would prefer the, the feast with the fattened calf, but not if the atmosphere is filled with hatred, not if the atmosphere is filled with strife.You’d rather just have a few vegetables in a room full of love.And in Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”So Proverbs teaches us about love.What I love about 1 Corinthians, 1 Corinthians 13 and the power of love is it reminds us that when God’s love comes into your life, something changes on the inside of you.Yes, yes.Your heart changes.Your motivations change.You see, the heart is the area of your choices, your appetites, your desires, your passions, and when the love of God comes into your life, when you begin a relationship with Jesus, the love of God is poured into your heart.The Holy Spirit starts just taking all of that love that God has for the world, for you, and for others, and he just starts pouring into your life, and your heart changes.And that’s why for the believer, when you don’t act like 1 Corinthians 13, usually, I would say almost always in my life, I get a little knock on the, on my heart from the Holy Spirit.When I don’t live like 1 Corinthians 13, then the Holy Spirit says, “Hey, Tom, remember me?Remember love?Remember patience?Remember kindness?”You see, an unbeliever, they can go all day, 24/7, and many times they don’t even feel remorse when they’re unloving, but not in your life, not if you’re a believer, not if God’s love, because God’s love changes your heart.That’sYou have a new desire.You have a new motivation.You want to love your spouse.You want to love your friend, love your coworkers.You wanna even love those who persecute you, and mistreat you, and do, say all kinds of evil accusations against you.You have the love of God in your heart.This morning I wanna look now at Ephesians chapter 5, and I wanna talk to us about marriage and how to live a life of love in marriage, because here’s what I believe about the power of love and how it affects our relationships and how it affects our marriages, is when God’s love comes into your life, it changes your heart.There’s no doubt about that, but now we have to learn how to live it out.So I want you to think about that.When someone gets saved and they’re an angry person before they’re saved, many times they’re still an angry person after they’re saved.I’ve seen it many times.All of our w- we don’t just immediately, everything in our life, our personalities, our family upbringing.H- here’s what I’m saying.Now, I believe over time that angry person will, if they’re l- if they’re abiding in the Word, if they’re responding to the Holy Spirit, that anger’s gonna fall off.But let, let’s put it this way.Think in the context of marriage.If you’ve got 2 people that grew up in a home, in their background, where when they had an argument, that meant you threw plates, and you slammed doors, and you ran out of the house, and you shouted.Well, guess what happens when those 2 people get saved?They get back into that argument, and they do the same thing.But then the Holy Spirit comes knocking on the door of their heart.And say, “Hey, you’re a Christian now.You, you’ve got, you’ve got the love of God at work in your life.”And then you begin to, you, you feel that conviction.Yeah, that, that’s what we call it, right?Conviction.The, the Holy Spirit starts knocking on your heart, and even though that’s how maybe you saw your mom and dad have arguments, and then that’s how you started having arguments and dealing with conflict in your marriage, and you’re thinking, “Well, I guess even though I, now I’m saved, but why am I still acting like I used to be acting?”So it, it takes time.Even though God changes, His love changes your heart, it takes time and wisdom, friends, we’re in Proverbs, right?It takes wisdom to be applied to your life to learn, well, how do I live this life of love with my spouse?And so this morning we’re gonna talk about that out of, out of Ephesians 5:21-33, how to live a life of love in your marriage.So let’s go ahead and kick off with verse 21.How do we live this life of love now that God has put love in our hearts?Well, number one, mutual submission flows out of the love of God.Ephesians 5:21, before Paul gets into marriage, he presents a, a Christian principle for all of us as men and women, boys and girls, anyone who calls themselves a Christian, a Christ follower, there is the principle of submission.Paul says in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”So as brothers and sisters in the Lord, we are called by the Apostle Paul to live a life of love.And how do we do that?We yield to one another.We, we come under.That’s what the word submit means.It means to come under another.And so Paul is saying for all of us as Christians, we can’t run away from submission.You see, if I would’ve started with verse 22, there might’ve been some of us out here going, “I am so sick and tired of hearing pastors talk about submission.”It’s one of the most misunderstood words and concepts in modern-day culture.Probably much to the, umProbably because it hasn’t always leader- leadership in the home, and submission hasn’t always been lived out according to the way the Bible teaches us to live it out.But I wanted to start with verse 21 to remind all of us as Christians, and look at how Paul says it there in verse 21.I’m submitting to my sister, and my sister is submitting to her brother in the Lord or as unto the Lord.So really, when I submit to my sister in the Lord and show a yieldedness, show an open-heartedness, a willingness to come under their ideas, their way of doing things, I’m actually not doing it to you, I’m doing it as unto Jesus.So that’s the principle.The principle of Christian submission is that as brothers and sisters in the Lord, as Christians, we are all placing ourselves under Christ, and then as we relate with one another, because we’re doing it unto the Lord, we’re able to yield one to another, to consider others better than ourself, to c- to con- take time to consider their thoughts, their way of doing things.That’s what it means to be submitted one to another.Look with me at the beginning of Ephesians chapter 5.I read through the whole chapter.I wanted to understand the context of what is Paul talking about before he gets to the household code.And remember, as Paul writes in Colossians 3, or he writes here in Ephesians 5, he is doing it from the background of the Roman Empire household codes, where, yes, the father, theWell, it was very, a very paternal culture, and so the father was the superior, the one in charge, and we’ll, we’ll come back to that.And so as Paul writes Ephesians 5:22-23, or you find the same code in Colossians 3, he is very much appealing to Christians to live in such a way that doesn’t upset the culture, let’s say, so that they can see Jesus through your lives in the way that the Roman culture would’ve felt was honorable, let’s say.I’m gonna come back to that.Look with me at Ephesians 5:1.Here’s how Paul starts this chapter.”Be imitators of God” might be your translation.Mine says, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children, and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”So Paul’s big idea in chapter 5 is he wants you to be an imitator of God by living a life of love.And so where, when he finally gets to verse 21, where does submission come from?It comes from the love of God.If you don’t love God and you don’t love your brother or sister in the Lord, you’re not going to be able to yield to them.It’s not gonna happen.You’re gonna insist on your own way.You’re gonna s- insist on being in charge and being in control.But Paul says if we follow God’s example, and especially we know the example of Jesus Christ, He laid His life down for us that we might have life.If we follow His example, then we can live this life of love, and we can submit, but we can do some other things.Look with me at verse 15, and I’m gonna get into our text here in just a minute, but look at Ephesians 5:15.Here’s what Paul says.He says, “Be very careful then how you live, not as unwise but as wise.”I love that.So here in the New Testament, this is not Proverbs.We know that Proverbs is all about God’s wisdom for daily living, short little pithy sayings that aren’t promises.They’re proverbs, but generally they’re true.If you live this way, here’s what’s gonna happen.That’s what Proverbs is all about, is applying God’s truth and His wisdom to your life.And so now Paul is talking about living a life of love, chapter 5:1 and 2, but then in verse 15 he says, “Be very careful then how you live.”You see, here’s what I believe.God can pour out His love into your heart, and if you’re a Christian, He has, but that doesn’t mean that you’re living a wise life.That doesn’t mean that you’re interacting with your husband or your wife in wisdom.And that’s why Paul says, “Be very careful then how you live, not as unwise” He’s talking to believers.”Not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity,” verse 16, “because the days are evil.”Verse 17, here it is again, “Therefore, do not be foolish.”I wonder, brother or sister in the Lord, who you have God’s love that has been placed in your heart, are you living foolishly as it relates to how you interact with your husband or your wife, or are you living wisely?Paul actually says 3 things.He– Go on.Look with me at verse 18.He says, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery.Instead, be filled with the Spirit.”And here’s what happens when you’re filled with the Spirit.Then he gives us 3 participles, and submitting is the last one.3 participles, and that means in English it should have an I-N-G to it, at the end of it, unless, unless youris translated as a verb.So, uh, verse 19: After we’re filled with the Spirit, 9 verse 19, you’re nowsomething changes in your speaking.”Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, songs from the Spirit.Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks.”Now, actually, in the Greek, it’s a participle there too for, like, giving thanks.So it’s you’re being filled with the Spirit, so now you are speaking differently.You’re now giving thanks.Jenny, thank you for that dopamine and cortisone.I learned 2 words today.It was soAnd so I’m gonna be thankful, ’cause if I can be thankful, I got some dopamine going on, and I’m pushing back the cortisone.Cortisol.I ca- That’s right, cortisone is something you- Okay.Um, hey, if I’m gonna keep listening, I’m gonna keep learning.So as we’re filled with the Spirit, we’re speaking differently.We’re now giving thanks in our heart, and then the third participle is we’re submitting.So friends, I want you to see that.Where does submission come from?And it’s submission.It’s not just for husbands and wives, and in this context, Ephesians 5, not just for wives.Submission is for all believers.We’re submitting to Christ, and we’re submitting to one another.We’re coming under Jesus.We’re laying aside what we want.We’re laying aside what we insist upon, and we’re saying, “Lord, what do you want?”And we treat others that way.We consider their thoughts.We consider what their way of doing things might be.And so where does submission come from?It comes from the love of God, Ephesians 5:1-2, and it comes to those who are being filled with the Spirit, who are being thankful, whose speech is being changed, and we are submitting ourselves to one another as we submit ourselves to Christ.It’s out of reverence for Christ.I am, I, I, I wanna almost beg us as Christians, friends, consider submission.Yield to one another.This is the command of the Apostle Paul for all believers.We don’t like it.It’s no different today than it was in the Roman Empire.To most cultural people, to be submissive is to be weak.Why would I wanna do that?Uh, I wanna take care of number one.I wanna, you know, be assertive and be in charge, and that’s how we’re raised in our culture.And then here Jesus comes along and gives us a completely different understanding of what it looks like to lead one another as believers in the Lord, but especially in the home.A second truth as we now dig into this text in verse 22 that we see how we can live out this life of love is the wife loves her husband by submitting and supporting.Last week we talked about that word in Genesis, that, uh, Eve was a helper compatible.She was a helper comparable.Um, let me just read Ephesians 5:22-24, and I’m reading from the NIV.”Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”That’s verse 21.22, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife as the, uh, as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the savior.Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”So the first command in this household code, if you will, Paul isAnd later you can read, he talks about children, he talks about slaves.But the first command comes to the wives.”Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do unto the Lord.”And so again, the connection here is you’re not just even doing it to your husband, you’re doing, you’re, you’re, you’re yielding to the Lord.You’re considering the Lord more important than yourself.You’re considering the Lord’s ideas and the Lord’s ways more important than yourself.And that actually is what is empowering you then to do that for your husband or even for a fellow brother or sister in the Lord.As I was studying through this passage of scripture, I was reminded, and I want y- I want you to turn to Titus 2:4.I was reminded that nowhere in the New Testament is a wife commanded to love her husband.It was an eye-opener for me.There’s one place in Titus 2:4, and I’m gonna read it, where the older women are encouraged to command the younger women to love their husbands, but here the word is connected to phileo.It’s not a- agape love, it is phileo love, which basically means be affectionate and fond like a friend of yourYou know, teach the younger women to be affectionate or fond of their husband.Not to agape love them, but to phileo love them.And that’s not filet, by the way.That, that’s phileo in the Greek, okay?I couldn’t pass up on that joke.Let me just read Titus 2:4.So here, and, and there’s, it’s a longer section, but I’m just gonna read verse 4.”But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us”Okay, that’s ver- chapter 3, sorry.Okay, I’m gonna try it again.Chapter 2, verse 4Titus.I’m in the right book.”When theyThen they can urge,” this is verse 4, “Then they can urge their, the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”Paul is always concerned about how Christianity is being, uh, heard about in the culture.And so again, this is his focus.He does not want the word of God, he doesn’t want the church, he doesn’t want God’s message and, to be badly impacted in the culture.But when he says that women should love their husbands, it’s not agape love, which is what we have in Ephesians 5, and we’re gonna get there to what the responsibility of the husband.It’s phileo love.It’s, it’s, it’s love your husband like a friend.Let him know that, you know, you think good thoughts about him, kind of thing.And when I, when I think about that, that a woman or a wife nowhere in the New Testament is commanded to agape love their husband, what that reminds me is, is love is just the language of women.Like, the reason I think wives are not commanded that is because love comes much easier to most women in general.It’s just their language.If you think of pink and blue, you know, back in the day when I was born at least, they, when you were born you either put a blue hat on the baby or you put a pink hat on the baby, right?And the wonderful thing about pink and blue, do you know what happens when you combine pink and blue?You get purple, and purple is God’s color.It’s the color of royalty, and that’s really what we have in marriage when we live it out the way God has called us to live out marriage.We’re able to live a life of love and marriage that models the love of Jesus for his church.And so when, when, when God says here that women should be quick or willing to come under the leadership of their man, I think that’s because it’s- that’s not easy.Women naturally love.I think women are very quick to be loving, tender-hearted, kind.At least my experience has been that way.I, I hope yours has.Uh, I know all kinds of women in my life that are very quick to be much more loving than I am.Uh, but here because perhaps Paul understands that, that women’s language of love is pink, it’s not blue, and men by the way are different, right?And so men, their language of love is blue, not pink.And because Paul understands that, and certainly God understands that, the wife here is commanded to submit and support and yield to the husband, their man in their life.But I wanna go on.The husband is then commanded to love his wife by sacrificing his life, and this is agape love.And I don’t wanna move too quickly here, because I wanna go back to this idea of the Roman household codes.It would not have surprised the early Christians or the Romans who were their neighbors, let’s say, or the Romans who had just recently converted, that Paul would have wrote and said, “Women, wives, submit to your husbands.”Everybody would have been like, “Great.That’s exactly what we’re doing in the Roman Empire, because that’s the, the paternal order of things in our world, so great.Thank you, Christians, for doing exactly pretty much what we’re doing.”Uh, fathers in charge, children, slaves, wives, everybody needs to submit and follow the leadership of husband.But then as you continue to read what Paul adds to this household code, your jaw starts dropping.You’re like, “Wait a minute, the father is supposed to love his wife?He’s supposed to lay down his life?”That would have been shocking.That would have been startling to the culture.So it would have been just normal for him to say, “Yeah, children obey your parents, and wife, you know, lift up your husband, submit to your husband, follow his leadership.”But when Paul starts writing about the role of the husband, there would have been a lot of people in the Roman Empire that would have been like, “Wait a minute.This is not what I thought marriage was all about.This is not according to the Roman code at all.”Look with me at this, verse 25, Ephesians chapter 5: “Husbands, agape your wives,” love your wives.And agape is that God-sized love, that God kind of love, that sacrifices yourself for the people around you.”Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”I wanna go back to verse 23, where Paul says, “For the husband is the head.”Now, that’s the Greek word kephale.And when I grew up in church, it really had only one meaning, which is the primary meaning, and that is the head on your body.It’s the part of your body that sits on your shoulders.But increasingly, as I have heard many preachers talk, there is another possibility for the meaning of kephale.It could just mean source, like headwaters.And that’s certainly possible, that the husband is just the source of the wife, as Jesus is just the source of the church.But wherever– Here’s what I would submit to you this morning, ’cause I’m okay either way with how you wanna interpret the Greek word kephale.I do believe it simply means the head that sits on the shoulders of the body and provides leadership and direction for the body.But if you believe it’s just the source, and that husband therefore is not head of the wife, I’m okay with that.But just remember, in this passage, whatever you decide is the relationship between the husband and the wife is the relationship between Jesus and the church.’cause Paul doesn’t give us an option there.He makes it very clear that the relationship of how you live out love in marriage, in a Christian marriage, is very different than how the world is gonna try to live out love and marriage, or relationships, or living together, whate- you know, all the different options that we have in the world today.But in a committed covenant relationship of marriage, Christian marriage, Paul is saying, “This is how you live this out.”And part of me has to believe it’s because God knows that men are blue and women are pink, and if you bring men together and women together and you try to talk the language that they don’t understand, you’re gonna just end up with a big chaotic mess.But if you can understand his needs and her needs, and you can understand what a husband needs to be able to be in the relationship and have it be a healthy relationship, then you need to speak his language.And if you, if you can understand the needs of the woman and what she needs as a, a, someone who thinks in pink, and you provide what she needs, then pink and blue are gonna come together and you’re gonna have a, a power couple who are united and harmonious and able to love one another as Jesus loves the church.So again, verse 23, “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior.”Verse 24, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”And I like that word everything, because it’s not a pick and choose kinda thing.It’s not a I’m only gonna submit or yield when I agree.Come on, church.And I want you to know that I started in verse 21 on purpose.I do believe in mutual submission.I do believe in Christian submission as a principle.I do not believe that as a husband it would be living in wisdom for me to go around and say, “Honey, you need to submit.Honey, you need to submit.”And by the way, submission is voluntary.Come on, brothers.If you’re, uh, leading your home and you’re leading your home well, you won’t have to talk about submission much in your home, because there would just be a natural give and take of yielding and submission and love, and I wanna know her thoughts and she wants to know my thoughts.It’s just that we’ve gotta learn to talk to each other and interact with each other in a way that meets our needs, because men and women are different.So please understand, I’m not trying to just jump up and down on the word submission for women.I believe all of us as Christians, men and women, we need to have a heart of submission to the Lord and to one another.Yes.And when we understand that, it gets beautiful of how that can look in our marriages.It’s not just husband going around, “I’m in charge,” and i- it oughta be husband, you realize that you’re in charge, and then when you begin to realize the responsibility that you have as leader of your home, it oughta scare you to death.There you go.The Lord’s holding me responsible-with my wife’s help.Thank you for your help.’Cause she’s the helpel- help- helper comparable to me that’s been given to me.But God is looking to me, say, “Husband, are you gonna lead?Are you gonna lay down your life?Are you gonna sacrifice?”Because that’s what Jesus did for the church.He went to the cross and laid down his life so the church could be pure and holy.And how do I translate that to marriage?That means to me that as a husband, I’m willing to make decisions and behave in s- in ways as it relates to my spouse that there is a smile on her face.Her life is better.Come on, man.Her life is better because she is in a relationship with me.If you can’t say that, man, you’re not l- lead- leading well.And don’t be too hard on yourself, ’cause we all have weeks like that.We all, we all fall short.Th- this is not a area where we’re, like, always perfect.But remember, if God’s love’s in your heart, He’s changed your heart.It means that when you do fail and you don’t measure up, it means you’re the first one to go, “Honey, I shouldn’t have said that.Will you forgive me?”That’s leadership.Have you ever been around people that will never ask forgiveness?Oh, don’t be that person.I do not believe that that is what God has for us as Christians.If you really wanna be a leader in your home and in your relationship with your marriage and your children, you need to be modeling your Christianity, not just talking about it.You see, more is caught than taught in our homes.They see how you live.They see how you interact with, with your spouse.They see your willingness even as Dad.Come on, dads.Husbands, I’m willing to yield to my spouse.If she’s got a good idea, I wanna hear it, ’cause she’s smarter than me in a lotta ways.I mean, she is.She ha- she thinks differently, but she’s got ideas that I don’t have.I need to listen to that.I learned that just, thank the Lord, a couple decades ago, not a couple weeks ago.But if you haven’t learned that as a husband-One of the ways you live out this model of loving her and, and submitting to her as you submit to the Lord is by listening to her ideas.It’s not by saying, “Hey, I’m in charge.Let’s do what I want.”What if what you want is wrong?And especially when it comes to big decisions.I just wanna give you a little bit of wisdom.This is extra.Don’t make big decisions without making them together.Finan- big financial decisions.We– It’s a lot easier for us now, but when we were younger, we actually had a dollar amount.We had a dollar amount that if we’re gonna spend that much money, we are gonna talk to each other about it.And it’s, it’s easier now where that’s not as big a deal, but if we’re gonna make a big expense, a big purchase, we’re gonna talk about it, and that builds unity.That, that builds harmony.Uh, and, and whether it’s the gifts you give to your children as they get older or just there’s so many different ways I could apply this, but if we’re really gonna be together in our marriage, we’ve gotta love our wife and w- love our husband enough to be willing to come together and not just do things on our own.And so here in verses 20 through 24, I better keep moving.I’m only on 0.3.The husband loves his wife by sacrificing his life, and that’s agape love.It’s all about sacrifice.You see, the husband has a high calling.Husbands must be willing to lay down their life in order to build up their wife.Are you building up your wife?Is her life better because you’re leading in the home?Here’s what I really believe about harmony and unity and being what God wants you to be in your marriage.Independence is an, is an enemy to your marriage.Independence is an enemy to your Christian marriage.Now, what I didn’t say is strength is an enemy to your marriage because we need strong women.We need strong men.We need men of God.We need women of God who know who they are as children of God.I can’t wait for Mother’s Day because I’m gonna preach from Proverbs 31, the power of a godly mom.I mean, even in ancient Israel, way back in Proverbs, hundreds of years ago, ancient Israel understood that women are valuable, women are powerful, women are capable.So strength, young man, young woman, is not an enemy in your marriage.It is a good thing if you married a strong woman.It is a good thing if you have a strong man.But what is an enemy, verse 31, is independence.Let me just read it.Ephesians 5:31.Paul is quoting from Genesis 2:24, saying, “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the 2 will become one flesh.”You see, marriage, Christian marriage is designed for unity.It’s designed for harmony.It’s designed for coming together.It is not designed for having a ceremony and saying all kinds of lovely things, and then every day and every month and every year of your life, you remind your husband or your wife every time they step out in a way you don’t want them to say, “Hey, you know, I don’t have to do what you want.”And sadly, a lot of people, that’s how they live their marriage.I’m independent.I know we said all those vows, and I know we had a great romance when we were young, and, but now we’re older, and I don’t want to be connected with you in everything.Friends, that’s not biblical marriage.And so strength is not an enemy of your relationship, but independence is.Every time when I help couples or when I talk with couples about God’s way of living out a life of love in marriage, the covenant of marriage, and I sense independence from one another, not only do I pray for them, but I begin to address that and say, “God wants to help you in this area.”We should not be having our finances separate.We should not be having– We shouldn’t even think of our careers separate in a Christian marriage.It all– We have separate lives, sure.Maybe you go to work over here, he goes to work over here, or, or he stays at home, or she stays at home.None of that matters.What matters is are you together in what you’re doing?Because that’s Christian marriage.There’s all kinds of different models of healthy marriage that you can work out with your husband or your wife and make it work.That’s up to you and the Lord.But if you’ve got independence at work in your marriage that’s working against the one-flesh relationship, that’s working against the unite, the, the united, uh, purpose of marriage, you know what?You’re just gonna struggle all the time, and there’s gonna be a lot of unhappiness for him and unhappiness for her.It’s not about who’s making this money and who’s making that money, and where you’re working and all this.You can work all that out when you’re united, when you’re together.And so strength is not an enemy 0 of your marriage, but independence is.And here’s really one of the most important truths from this passage, and that is Christian marriage models Christ’s love for the church, and this goes back to marriage is, yes, to make you happy.I believe that.God– Nobody gets married because they wanna be miserable.We get married because we do believe this person’s gonna add to my life.This person’s gonna add value.This person is gonna add something wonderful to my life, and I wanna be with them and them only, and I’m willing to stand up in front of God and friends and family and everybody and say, “This is my woman.This is my man.”And so I’m so grateful for the joy of marriage, the happiness of marriage, but the truth is, friend, your marriage, the most important relationship in your life, if you’re married, next to Jesus, your marriage is designed to model the love that Jesus has for His church, and Paul even calls it a mystery.Verse 32: “This is a profound mystery but I’m talking about Christ and the church.”Is he saying that the mystery is of how Jesus has loved the church?Perhaps.Is he saying that it’s a mystery because he’s comparing the love of a husband and a wife to the church?I, I, I’m not actually 100% sure, but Paul is without a doubt in these verses saying that the way a husband loves his wife and the way a wife loves her husband is comparable to the relationship of Jesus and the church.And so when you live a life of discord and strife and, and, and difficulty in your marriage as Christians, you in fact are proclaiming something that goes against the gospel.Now, again, receive that with grace because we all have bad days.We all have bad weeks.We all, we all through, all, all go through struggles.preparation for this message this morning, I watched, uh, a number of videos.One of the greatest books on, uh, love and marriage is Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and maybe we should do a Bible study on that sometime.It talks about the blue and the pink and how God brings that together.It’s just called Love & Respect.It’s a very good book.But another little video I watched was by John Piper, and he was speaking to some students at a college, and he opened up and said– He shared a story about how last week on his day off he met with his spouse and, uh, he had something very important he wanted to talk with his wife about.Prayed about it, chose his words very carefully, had the conversation, and he s– and he said to the students, “It went very poorly.”Like it went really badly to the point where he felt so sad in his own spirit.Later that day, he called his wife, asked that she would pray for him, sorry that, that, you know, kind of sorry that conversation went that way, and he shared that story for those students, those young students, just to remind them that even someone like John Piper, who’s been in the ministry for years, preached a lot of wonderful sermons, probably wrote a bunch of books, that even a John Piper can try to have a conversation with his loving spouse and it not go well.And so I want you to receive what I said before with grace.Yes, I believe that when we fail in our marriage, we are in effect canceling out the gospel.I know that’s strong, isn’t it?But I believe that’s what’s Paul’s saying.He’s saying we have to love each other in marriage, in this covenant of marriage, just like Jesus loved the church, and when we fail at that, it’s like we negate the gospel at work in our own lives.Again, receive that with grace.I, uh, we, we all fall down.We all have moments where our marriage isn’t what we wish it would be, but if the love of God has been poured into our hearts, guess what?God’s at work.God’s at work in your heart, and He’s going to help you.We just have to keep going back to learn how we can model Jesus’ love for the church.Sixth and final truth this morning, mutual submission looks like love and respect.So we started with mutual submission in J- in 5:21, and that’s what we’re gonna end with.What does mutual submission look like in marriage?It looks like love and respect.Look with me at verse 33.However, each of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.And so remember what I said, that nowhere in the New Testament is the wife commanded to agape love her husband.I believe that’s because women just, that’s their language.Love comes much more easy to them.But it’s the husband who is commanded to love his wife, to sacrifice himself for his wife, to, to go out of your way, husband, to be tender and kind and, and considerate of your wife.Why?Because that doesn’t come natural to a man.Because that’s not the love language of a man.What’s the love language of a man?It’s honor and respect.I learned this, uh, many, many years ago, that I could be the most gentle and kind person in an au- in a room, in a, in a, in a meeting, until someone really started to tu- push on my disrespect button.And I would later come, be very surprised, like, “How did I get so upset about that?”Whether I kept it, you know, whether I did it passively or verbally, but still maybe I said nothing in the meeting, but came out and was just.Well, I felt disrespected.You see, what Paul is saying in verse 33 is that wives, they go when they don’t feel loved, when they don’t feel considered, when they don’t feel cherished.Now please understand, I’m not saying that women don’t need respect.I’m talking in generalities here.So is Paul.Women do need respect.Women also need to be a- honored.But that’s not a woman’s language.I think that’s what Paul is trying to communicate with us.So both men and women need to be respected, but men need respect much more than they need kindness and consideration.That’s what I’m saying, and I think that’s what Paul is saying.So what does mutual respect look like in, in, in marriage?It looks like love, and it looks like respect, and that’s how we live out a life of love in our marriage.I wanna invite the worship team to come and to lead us here in just a moment.The power of love can transform your life.I believe that.If the love of God has been poured out into your heart, it can transform your life.But don’t be discouraged, friend, if you have to take time in your life to apply this love of God so that it looks like wisdom in your relationships.It may take you some time to overcome your personality or your family upbringing.Because some of us wo- grew up in really quiet homes that barely ever talked to each other.Other of us, we grew up in homes that shouted and yelled, and we had different family dynamics.And so when 2 people come together in marriage, or just in relationships in general, it takes time to let that love of God flow in our hearts and impact our personality and our preferences and our backgrounds.And so I wanna ask us this morning, are you experiencing conflict?Are you experiencing strife or brokenness in your relationships or in your marriage?God’s love does make up the difference, but we have to be willing to grow in that love.We have to be willing to grow in the love of God.Will you stand with me this morning?See, it’s one thing to say that you’re the most loving person in the world.Don’t you hear that about churches all the time?”Oh, that church, they’re the most loving, friendliest church.”I would say almost every church in Columbia this morning is saying that about themselves, thinking that about themselves.”We’re the friendliest, lovingest church in all of the town.”But it’s not enough to just say, “Well, I’m a loving person.”We actually have to learn how to communicate that love to the ones we love, and that’s what Paul is talking about in Ephesians chapter 5, is that we can live a life of love in our marriage, we can live a life of love in our relationships.We’re gonna sing a chorus in just a moment, but I wanna pray for us as your pastor.As I prepared this message, I, I can tell you, Jenny even kinda called me off all the disclaimers.She, she said, “Stop giving all the disclaimers.They know you’re not perfect.”So, so I didn’t give any disclaimers this morning.But I can tell you, when you sit down as a pastor and begin to try to understand, “Okay, what is God teaching in this portion of scripture, and how does this affect my life and their life?”Teaching on marriage is not the easiest topic to preach or teach on.So I’m praying today that your heart and my heart would be open to hearing something from the Lord that needs to change in us, in our hearts, in our minds.It’s voluntary.It’s, it’s up to you.No- nobody’s gonna impose upon you how you live your marriage.But there is the wisdom of God, and I pray that your heart is open to the principles of God’s Word and the truth of God’s Word.Will you pray with me?Lord Jesus, thank you for the covenant of marriage.Thank you for the beauty of a man and a woman coming together in a sacred covenant, commitment, and saying, “Only you forever.”Lord, we thank you for that.What a gift you’ve given to us.And Lord, we need your help because we often struggle.We often find ourselves independent from one another, not wanting to submit or not even wanting to lead.We’ll just back out of it.We’re just so frustrated.So Lord, would you help us today?Would you help us in our marriages to experience the love of God as men and women, as husbands and wives?And help all of us in every relationship, Lord, coworkers, friends, children, grandchildren, grandparents, parents.Lord, help us to live a life of love.Give you the glory, Lord.In Jesus’ name.Amen.Hi, I’m Pastor Tom Ragsdell.I’m Pastor Ellis Benus. And we’re from Columbia first Assembly.We are a church that’s on mission with Jesus.Our vision is simple: we wanna make Jesus famous in your heart and in our community.Absolutely.Thank you so much for connecting with us online.We would also love to connect with you in person.We are located at 1100 North 7th Street, right in the heart of Columbia, Missouri, right across the street from Hickman High School.So if you’re in the Central Missouri area and you’re looking for a home church, come hang out with us.If you’re just connecting online and you’re nowhere near us, then please connect with us in the comments.If you have a prayer request, if you have a question, if you’re, if you’re wondering anything about the Lord or Christianity, please let us know, and we would be happy to engage with you in the comments.We believe God’s doing something special at our church, and we want you to be a part of it.We’re a multi-generational church.We have people from all different backgrounds.We’re, we’re a church of the Word.We’re a church of the Spirit.We believe Jesus can transform your life.That’s why we’re on mission with him, and we wanna help you know God, we wanna help you grow in God, and we wanna share hope in our community.So connect with us, and we wanna connect with you.Awesome.Have a wonderful and a blessed day.